Funny Jokes, Pictures, Videos

Funny Animal Jokes : The Mink Coat

2011-08-26T11:56:00.001+08:00

A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm.

"Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in the back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat.

As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly whispers,

"Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000."

"No problem! I'll write you a check!"

"Very good, sir." says the shop owner.

"Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared."

So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged:

"How dare you show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!"

"I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"

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Funny Blonde Jokes : The Cliff And The Blondes

2011-08-24T08:05:00.000+08:00

A smart blonde and a dumb blonde both jump off a cliff at the same time. Who lands first?

The dumb blonde because smart blondes don't exist.

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Funny Animal Jokes : The Hunting Dog

2011-07-25T17:20:00.001+08:00

Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting."

So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there."

Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!"

Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too."

So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's mouth and starts humping Earl's leg.

Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"

The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg.

The breeder says, "Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!"

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Funny Blonde Jokes : Blonde Stewardess

2011-07-24T14:37:00.000+08:00

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering
what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captaind asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says "Do Not Disturb"!!

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Funny Animal Jokes : Living with the Wolf Man

2011-07-04T21:46:00.000+08:00

The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks.

"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.

"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely.

"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? Huh?"

At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.

Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."

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Funny Blonde Jokes : Only three doors

2011-06-26T15:15:00.001+08:00

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

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Funny Animal Jokes : Monkey Organization

2011-06-25T19:14:00.001+08:00

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.

Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.

The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

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Funny Blonde Jokes : New prefix

2011-06-25T10:20:00.002+08:00

If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them:

Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag - a blonde's purse
Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
Bimboette - a young blonde
Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else
Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes
Bimboozle - to fool a blonde
Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence
Bimbozo - another name for a blonde
Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes
Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde
Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is
Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall

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Funny Computer Jokes : The Less You Know, The More You Make

2011-06-24T09:32:00.002+08:00

"Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People."

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.

As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time

Since:
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money

It follows that:
Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion:
The less you know,the more you make.

Funny Blonde Jokes : Blonde paint job

2011-06-23T23:49:00.002+08:00

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

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Funny Animal Jokes : Wittle Wabbit

2011-06-23T20:54:00.002+08:00

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

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Funny Animal Jokes : The Other Side

2011-06-23T08:09:00.003+08:00

Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear.

One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit.

"Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I've got something to show you!"

"Not now! I'm eating."

"Oh come on!" said the rabbit. "It's really important."

"No way."

"Please. It's urgent."

So the bear decided to go all the way over the wide river. It took him all day and all night to get over to the other side. He nearly drowned. And when he finally got there he was groaning and panting, and wheezing for air.

"Well, rabbit," he panted. "What did you want to tell me?"

"Hey, Teddy," the rabbit began, "look how many berries are on the other side of the river."

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Funny Animal Jokes : Lion Tamer

2011-06-22T23:11:00.002+08:00

Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer."

The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming."

"Yes I do!"

"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"

"Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down."

"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"

"Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down."

"Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?"

"Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him."

"Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?"

"Well, then I pick up some of the shit that's on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of
the cage."

"Well, what if there ain't no shit in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?"

"Well, that's dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don't work, there's going to be some shit on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that."

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Funny Animal Jokes: Vampire Bat

2011-06-22T20:08:00.003+08:00

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"

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Lawyer Jokes: 10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

2011-06-21T23:47:00.000+08:00

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Funny Joke - If Life were like a Computer

2011-06-21T23:43:00.000+08:00

If Life Were Like A Computer:

You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel.

You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it!

You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings.

You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy.

You could click on “find” (Ctrl, F) to recover your lost remote control and car keys.

To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!

If you mess up your life, you could always press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!

Nobody Funny Dance Video by Aircraftsman!!

2009-10-03T00:23:00.001+08:00

Check this funny video I've found on YouTube. It's the Nobody Song by the WonderGirls danced by Aircraftsman.

Funny Blond Handywoman Joke

2009-05-05T14:28:00.001+08:00

A blond, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire
herself out as a “handywoman” and started canvassing the
neighborhoods. She went to the front door of the first house
and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,” he
said. “How much will you charge me?”

The blond quickly responded, “How about $50?”

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything
she would need was in the garage. The man’s wife, hearing
the conversation, said to her husband, “Does she realize
that our porch goes all the way around the house?”

He responded, “That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?”

The wife replied, “You’re right. I guess I’m starting to
believe all those dumb blond jokes we’ve been getting by
e-mail lately.”

A short time later, the blond handywoman came to the door to
collect her money.

“You finished already?” the husband asked.

“Yes,” the blond replied, “and I had paint left over, so I
gave it two coats - no extra charge.”

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and
handed it to her.

“And by the way,” the blond added, “it’s not a Porch — it’s
a Lexus.”

Funny Jokes: From a Mother With Love

2009-04-23T11:20:00.001+08:00

Dear Child,

I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.

Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.

They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.

Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.

Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.

Funny Jokes: Impossible to Please

2009-04-22T11:08:00.001+08:00

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

Barack Obama Funny Pictures and Images 3

2009-01-29T11:31:00.002+08:00

46 Year-Old Political Virgin : Barack Obama Funny Pictures and Images

Barack Obama Funny Pictures and Images 2

2009-01-26T23:30:00.002+08:00

Matrix - Barack Obama Funny Pictures and Images

Barack Obama Funny Pictures and Images

2009-01-22T20:41:00.003+08:00

Barack Obama Funny Pictures and Images

Funny Old Ladies

2009-01-19T13:50:00.001+08:00

Funny Old Ladies

Funniest Joke 2

2009-01-18T20:54:00.000+08:00

Funniest Joke 2

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

Funniest Joke 1

2009-01-13T15:57:00.000+08:00

Funniest Joke 1

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?". The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."
The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me." After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied,
down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"
The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."

Funny Joke: How Old Are You?

2009-01-09T22:59:00.000+08:00

(Funny Joke: How Old Are You?)

A little girl and her mother were out and about.

Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"

The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."

The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."

The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.

The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."

Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.

The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."

The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"

The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?"

The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."

Funny Oscar De La Hoya Pictures and Images

2008-11-27T01:19:00.001+08:00

Funny Oscar De La Hoya Pictures and Images

Hahaha. lolz.

Watch Chuck Season 2 Episode 8 Chuck Versus the Gravitron

2008-11-25T23:21:00.006+08:00

Watch Chuck Season 2 Episode 8 Versus the Gravitron.

The latest episode of Chuck - Chuck Versus the Gravitron was aired last November 24, 2008.

Episode Overview:

The team has to work out a security problem at the Buy More.

You can watch the episode video here.

Check out for the next episode:

Chuck Season 2 Episode 8: Chuck Versus the Sensei.

(I think) Manny Pacquiao Can't Fight

2008-10-23T16:48:00.002+08:00

I doubt it; Manny Pacquiao can't really fight. lol

Is Optional REALLY Required????

2008-10-20T11:44:00.001+08:00

I've been thinking of this thing... Is optional really REQUIRED??? lol

(click the image to enlarge)

What do you think? :D

A Vocalist Turned Into What????????

2008-10-06T17:13:00.002+08:00

Check this out...............

lol. :))

Funny Wedding Dance - You Should Watch This!!!

2008-09-29T08:49:00.003+08:00

Whew!!! Are you familiar with wedding dance which was danced by the newly wed couples on it's reception? I know that most of you would say that the wedding dance was that romantic. But, check out this one!

Funny Wedding Dance - You Should Watch This!!!

Nasty Kid

2008-09-25T15:57:00.002+08:00

Hahaha. Take a look at this pic.........

Ouch!!! That really hurts!

2008-09-22T11:55:00.005+08:00

Yay!!! Look at the image below. Have you experienced that one? Whew!!!! How does it feel? Hehe

(click the image above)

Barack Obama's Mail Inbox!!!

2008-09-22T10:01:00.002+08:00

As I'm surfing online for the 2008 US Elections, I've stumbled to this page where I've found Barack Obama's mail inbox!!! Whew, I couldn't believe I would found this one. Hehe, want to see it? Here it is:

(click to enlarge the picture)

Funny Photos/Images: Guess What... :)

2008-09-19T10:41:00.003+08:00

Guess what had happened to this cyclist......... And what's that thing on his back??? Any idea? ;)

Any opinions? Answers? Hehe, do leave your comments. Thanks!

Funny Jokes: 10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

2008-09-15T21:07:00.000+08:00

Funny Jokes: What Do I Look Like?

2008-09-10T12:53:00.002+08:00

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"

The husband just looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like, Mr.Plumber?”

A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor, "Honey, the car won't start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"

"What do I look like, Mr.Goodwrench?" was his response. Another couple of weeks go by, and it's raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in the roof. She pleads with him as he's walking through the door. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"

He just looked at her and said "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" and sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.

One weekend the husband woke up and it was pouring pretty hard, but the leak on the roof was gone! Speaking of leaks, he also went to take a shower, and he found that the one pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.

His wife was coming home just then, and as she walked through the door, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks, and the car's running?"

She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I was picking up the mail, and I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything." "Wow, did he charge us anything?" asked the husband. "No, he just said that he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him" she said.

"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" asked the husband. "Cake? What the hell do you think I look like, Betty Crocker?

Funny Jokes: Punishment in Heaven

2008-09-05T14:39:00.001+08:00

Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there.

''Why?'' he asks.

St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy. He asks why.

St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The third guy laughs at his friends and says, ''Thank God I didn't do anything like that.'' He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, ''Why?''

''Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.''

Funny Jokes: Who's the Boss?

2008-09-02T16:29:00.000+08:00

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.

As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.

"I can't wear your trousers." she said.

"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."

He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.

"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"

She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."

Funny Jokes: Fifty-Dollar Bet

2008-08-22T16:42:00.002+08:00

This guy who works at a pickle factory comes home and hands his wife 50 dollars. She asked him what it was from and he told her that he won it in a bet -- the guys at the factory bet him 50 dollars that he wouldn't stick his dick in the pickle slicer.

The wife was surprised and said she wanted to make sure he was still intact. He pulled down his pants and, indeed, it was all there, unharmed.

“But what about the pickle slicer,” asked the wife, perplexed. “Oh, she liked it too,” answered the husband.

How the Olympic Beijing Logo was created?

2008-08-19T09:08:00.004+08:00

Do you know how the Olympic Beijing Logo was created? Check these pictures:

Haha, lol........ would you believe that? ;) Maybe you are interested for the latest medal tally updates on this year's 2008 Beijing Olympics: 2008 Beijing Olympics Medal Tally Count, Updates and Results

or you can check this for more info: 2008 Olympics Medal Tally Count, Updates and Results, Beijing Olympics Results and Updates, 2008 Beijing Olympics | Medal Tally Count, Updates and Results | Chant | Pictures and Logos

Olympics Joke

2008-08-11T10:18:00.002+08:00

Check here for Beijing Olympics Updates:
2008 Beijing Olympics Medal Tally Count, Updates and Results, Beijing Olympics Results and Updates, and 2008 Beijing Olympics | Medal Tally Count, Updates and Results | Chant | Pictures and Logos.

Funny Jokes: Pinoy Jokes - Defense, Detail, And Defeat

2008-08-06T11:47:00.001+08:00

The teacher turns to the class and says, "Today, we will use these three words in a sentence. Defense, detail, and defeat. Tom, why don't you go first?"

Tom, a white kid, goes first.

Tom says, "Ahh, the football team's defense was detailed in the paper which caused the defeat of the other team." (The narrator's tone is slang-American when saying this sentence.)

The teacher turns to Chang, a Chinese boy, and says, "How about you Chang?"

Chang says, (narrator uses a Chinese accent), "the Defense Department gave details of the defeat of the guerrillas."

"That's very good Chang, now what about you, Bong-Bong?" says the teacher. "Use defense, detail, and defeat in a sentence."

Bong-Bong, the Filipino boy, doesn't want to do it. (Accent of narrator becomes heavily influenced by Ilocano or Tagalog accent).

"Ma'am, ay don't know how to use it," says Bong-Bong.

"Come on, just try," says the teacher.

"Okay, ma'am," says Bong-Bong. "Ahhhh...dah black dog...jumped ober (over pronounced with "b" sound) dah fence ("dah" instead of the sound "the"), dah tail first and den, dah feet."

Funny Jokes: Pinoy Jokes - Coffee Maker

2008-08-04T09:50:00.001+08:00

In an international Convention of coffee-producing nations, the Philippines proved it really has given something to the coffee world.

The Columbia delegate said: "We have the best coffee beans."

Remarked the Japanese representative: "Japan refined coffee production to make people enjoy coffee more."

The American delegate: "America has the best and the most number of brands of regular and instant coffee, supported by the most modern means of production."

Then the Filipino delegate stood up to proudly declare: "The Philippines invented the two-hour coffee break!!!"

"Proud to be a Filipino."

Funny Jokes: Pinoy Jokes - Plane At Last

2008-07-29T16:11:00.000+08:00

Passengers on a Philippine Airlines flight heard this announcement from the captain, Capt. Juan Amorpropio: "Mga kababayan, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean"

The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement: "Mga kababayan, we at Philippine Airlines have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane"

As commented by one of the passengers: "Galing, that's what i like about PAL, always has some contingency measures of some sort!, I hope they help me out coz' i definitely don't know how to swim."

After this announcement all the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean.

The captain once again made an announcement: "Mga kababayan we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane THANK YOU FOR FLYING PHILIPPINE AIRLINES."

Funny Jokes: Pinoy Jokes

2008-07-22T12:53:00.001+08:00

Martha: Mare, pwede ba, dito muna ako sa inyo? Lumayas ako sa amin. Kasi,
buntis ako.

Guada: Dapat, sa taong nakabuntis sa 'yo ka pumunta!

Martha: Kaya nga rito ako pumunta, eh. Nandiyan ba si pare?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

may isang pangit na dalaga na humiling sa kanyang Fairy Godfather.

Sabi ng pangit na dalaga, "Ninong Fairy, may mapa ako rito ng Amerika.
Dalhin mo ako roon para matagpuan ko ang gwapong lalaki na magmamahal sa
akin."

"Hindi pwede!" tugon ng Fairy Godfather. "Dito lang sa Pilipinas gumagana
ang kapangyarihan ko!"

"O, sige," pag-ayon ng pangit na dalaga, "Maging ordinaryong tao ka na
lang
at pakasalan mo ako!"

Sagot ng Fairy Godfather, "Patingin nga uli ng 'tang 'nang mapang 'yan at
baka magawan ng paraan!"

Funny Jokes: Pinoy Jokes - What will happen if Manila Is Attacked?

2008-07-17T13:49:00.001+08:00

After the tragedy in New York and Washington the question arises:

What will happen if Manila Is Attacked?

Well ... if that happens, there can be no comparison. That's because in Manila, we are much better prepared for these kind of attacks.

We do not have tall buildings. The only large structure that can be seen from above is the Marcos monument in Ilocos and terrorists are welcome to target that.
We all get on the job late in the morning specially government employees, so at 8:45 there won't be sufficient people to kill (well, not even at 10 am!).
Fire fighters and police officers will do their utmost not to get to the spot in time. They will reach there just when everything is over, so there will be no casualties among them.
The national airline would surely have fouled up the terrorists plans by being delayed again or crash before even getting to the target due to mechanical troubles.
A Pinoy would not have used his cell phone to call home. He would've hit the terrorist with it over the head.
If a terrorist was living for one year in Manila he would've been robbed and molested so many times he would've given up and gone back to his home country a long time ago.
In Manila, the terrorists would not have gotten the flight manual, they would've had to pay for it.

You see... in Manila we are well prepared!

Funny Photos/Images: Top 20 Baby Do's and Dont's ( Instruction No. 17 & 18 )

2008-07-15T10:18:00.003+08:00

Here's the Instruction Numbers 17 and 18 for the Top 20 Funny Baby Do's and Dont's.

Instruction Number Seventeen: Feeding Baby

Instruction Number Eighteen: Containing Baby

For those who missed the instructions number 1 to 16, you can view it here:

Funny Jokes: Pinoy Jokes - I'm A Poet

2008-07-10T11:35:00.000+08:00

A Filipino guy from the Philippines arrived to the United States. He never knew how to speak English at all, none, just straight out Tagalog. His sister's husband, who was American born and did not know how to speak Tagalog, but can understand just a little bit of the language, picked up the Filipino guy from the airport. So they shook hands and introduced themselves to each other.

So, they never talked to each other until they both got into the car to go home. So, while going home, the Filipino guy said, "carpentario ako sa Phillipinas," ( I'm a carpenter in the Philippines). His Filipino American born brother-in-law nodding his head, so the Filipino guy said, in Filipino, " Ikaw anong trabajo mo?" ( what do you do for a living). His brother-in-law said, "Poet," the Filipino then took out a handkerchief and began to wipe his brother-in-laws face, with a sad look.

Note for the dense: The Filipino guy thought that his brother-in-law was a "PUET" which means "ass" in Filipino.

Funny Photos/Images: Top 20 Baby Do's and Dont's ( Instruction No. 15& 16)

2008-07-07T16:02:00.003+08:00

Here's the Instruction Numbers 15 and 16 for the Top 20 Funny Baby Do's and Dont's.

Instruction Number Fifteen: Choosing a Babysitter

Instruction Number Sixteen: Testing Baby's Bottle

For those who missed the instructions number 1 to 10, you can view it here:

Funny Photos/Images: Pacquiao? Sex In The City?

2008-07-04T10:44:00.003+08:00

Is Manny "Pacman" Pacquiao was on the cast of Sex In The City? Huh? What about Freddie Roach?

Funny Jokes: Pinoy Jokes - Yan Ang Pinoy!!!!

2008-07-01T12:58:00.001+08:00

A couple placed an ad on the internet, "Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get adaughter."

Responses:

Yank: Keep trying!

Briton: Change doctor!

Aussie: Follow a special diet.

Indian: Practice Yoga!

Pinoy: LET ME TRY! ;-)

Funny Jokes: Pinoy Jokes - 3 Ugly Filipinos

2008-06-30T14:02:00.001+08:00

There were these 3 Filipino girls, and they were the ugliest Filipino girls ever! They finally got so tired of being ugly that they decide to go to the doctor's for help. The doctor looks at them and says, "Well, this is a tough one, but this is what you have to do; jump into a river and say the name of someone you think is beautiful and you will look exactly like that person."

So the first one goes and says "Britney Spears" and when she gets out of the water she looked just like Britney Spears.

Then the second one went and she said "Alyssa Milano" and became Alyssa Milano.

Then came the third one... When she jumped into the river (being so terrified of swimming) said "AY TA-E!" (means shit)

Funny Photos/Images: Sexy Pacquiao

2008-06-27T15:42:00.003+08:00

I never thought Manny "Pac Man" Pacquiao would be as sexy as this photo. lol

Sexy Pacquiao

Funny Photos/Images: Top 20 Baby Do's and Dont's ( Instruction No. 13 & 14)

2008-06-26T13:09:00.003+08:00

Here's the Instruction Numbers 13 and 14 for the Top 20 Funny Baby Do's and Dont's.

Instruction Number Thirteen: Clearing Baby's Nose

Instruction Number Fourteen: Introducing Baby To Pets

For those who missed the instructions number 1 to 10, you can view it here:

Funny Jokes: Pinoy Jokes - Slip of The Tounge

2008-06-23T15:35:00.000+08:00

My dad had an accountant who every time the company had to package plans to send to a client would ask the messenger to "Fack it up well, okay?"

While shopping at SM Megamall, a saleslady was helping me choose an appropriate gift to buy and I happened to be looking at a nice nightdress. The saleslady said, "Fair yan." Puzzled, I asked, "Fair?" And she replied, "Oo, they come in fairs!"

A Filipino was arrested in San Francisco for illegal parking. He was incensed. He said to the police, "Why you give me a facking ticket? I only facked here por payb minutes!"

In response to the question, "How often do you smoke?", the Filipino answered, "Two facks a day."

Funny Photos/Images: Top 20 Baby Do's and Dont's ( Instruction No. 11 & 12)

2008-06-18T10:19:00.004+08:00

Here's the Instruction Numbers 11 and 12 for the Top 20 Funny Baby Do's and Dont's.

Instruction Number Eleven: Bonding with Baby

Instruction Number Twelve: Putting Baby to Bed

For those who missed the instructions number 1 to 10, you can view it here:

Funny Jokes: Pinoy Jokes - Spielberg and A Pinoy

2008-06-04T15:28:00.000+08:00

A Pinoy went to a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks. At the counter, he sat next to the famous Hollywood director, Steven Spielberg who was already ahead by a quart of alcohol. After a couple of beers, the Pinoy sensed that Spielberg was glaring at him. Suddenly, in a flash the Pinoy crashed down from his stool, felled by a vicious hook from the director.

Picking himself up, he yelled, "Wat da hell is dat por?"

Spielberg ranted: "That's for the bombing of Pearl Harbor, you #@@!!##! My dad perished in that bombing!"

"Tang Na! I am not Jafanese, you stufid Nincomfoof! I am Filipino!" exclaimed the Pinoy.

The inebriated director replied, "Yeah yeah yeah ....Japanese, Burmese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Filipino ...you are all the same."

Regaining his composure, the Pinoy dusted off his white pants, straightened the collar of his loud bird-of-paradise printed shirt, took his seat and ordered a double R&B from the bartender. After a few sips, the Pinoy stood up and delivered his best Jackie Chan karate kick, sending the director flying halfway across the room.

"What was that for?!!" shouted the surprised Spielberg from about fifteen feet away.

"Dat's por da sinking of da TITANIC! I had my grandpader on dat shif!" the Pinoy answered back.

"You ignorant Chink! The TITANIC was sunk by an iceberg!" exclaimed the director.

"Yah yah yah...Iceberg, Sfielberg, Carlsberg... you are all the same."

Funny Jokes: Pinoy Jokes - Pinoy At A Coffee Shop

2008-05-30T17:32:00.001+08:00

Pinoy goes to order breakfast at a coffee shop in Manhattan...

Waiter: "What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf?"
Pinoy: "No... Big cup! Big cup!"

Waiter: "What would you like for your breakfast?"
Pinoy: "Hameneggs."

Waiter: "And how do you like your eggs, sir?"
Pinoy: "Yes, tenkyu, I like dem beri much."
Waiter: "No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked?"
Pinoy: "Yes, tenkyu, I wud like dem cooked."
Waiter (with increasing impatience): "Would you like your eggs... fried? poached? hard boiled or soft boiled?"
Pinoy (with increasing uneasiness): "Yes, one fried en one hard boiled or sop boiled."

Waiter: "And what bread would you like?"
Pinoy: "Begyurpardon?"
Waiter: "What kind of bread would you like... white? rye? whole wheat? toast?"
Pinoy: "Pan Amercano..."
Waiter: "We don't have that..."
Pinoy: "Okey. Gib me Taystee..."
Waiter: "We don't have that either, sir..."
Pinoy: "Do you heb pan de lemon or bonete?"

Waiter: "Sir, you are wasting my time... I shall ask for the last time, what would you like for breakfast?"
Pinoy: "Donut plis..."

Funny Photos/Images: Top 20 Baby Do's and Dont's ( Instruction No. 9 & 10)

2008-05-28T11:44:00.002+08:00

Here's the Instruction Numbers 9 and 10 for the Top 20 Funny Baby Do's and Dont's.

Instruction Number Nine: Stimulating The Baby

Instruction Number Ten: Making Baby Smile

For those who missed the instructions number 1 to 6, you can view it here:

Funny Jokes: Pinoy Jokes - When Erap Got Drunk

2008-05-26T14:17:00.000+08:00

Erap was at a black tie party along with Reli German who supplied him with a constant flow of Blue Label. All the gentlemen came in black jackets, white shirts and black ties and the ladies in black gowns.

Erap thought it was a boring party so he kept drinking his Blue Label to get him through the night. Then he saw a lady in a white gown. "Reli, that's the lady I like," Erap said. "She is a non-conformist and a rebel. I think I will ask her to dance." "Madam, would you care to dance with the President of the Republic?" Erap asked.

The lady replied, "No, and I will give you 3 reasons why.

Reason No. 1, I don't know how to dance." "That's a legitimate reason," Erap remarked.

"Reason No. 2, you are drunk," the lady continued. "That's your opinion," Erap said.

"Reason No. 3, I am Cardinal Sin."

Funny Photos/Images: Is This Part Of The Game?

2008-05-23T13:37:00.003+08:00

All of us were fond of watching wresting most especially the famous WWE. But to amaze, as I've surfed images online for wrestling pictures, I found this funny one. Hehehe.

My question is, Is this part of the game? ;-)

What do you think? Comments are highly appreciated. ;-)

Funny Videos: Fat Chick

2008-05-21T12:39:00.001+08:00

Take a look at a very fat chick doing her daily exercise, I doubt if her exercise would help here lose her fat. Hahahaha. ;-)

Funny: Top 20 Baby Do's and Dont's ( Instruction No. 7 & 8 )

2008-05-19T11:11:00.004+08:00

Here's the Instruction Numbers 7 and 8 for the Top 20 Funny Baby Do's and Dont's.

Instruction Number Seven: Nursing The Baby

Instruction Number Eight: Calming The Baby

For those who missed the instructions number 1 to 6, you can view it here:

Funny Jokes: Pinoy Jokes - Filipino Accounting Terms

2008-05-16T13:15:00.002+08:00

ENGLISH FILIPINO TRANSLATION

Asset - Ari
Fixed Asset - Aring Nakatirik
Liquid Asset - Aring Tumutulo
Written-off Asset - Aring Pinutol
Cut-off time - Oras ng Pagputol
Depreciation - Pagkalaspag ng Ari
Fully Depreciated Asset - Aring Laspag na Laspag na
Earning Asset - Aring Ganado Pa
Non-Earning Asset - Aring Baldado na
Owned Asset - Sariling Ari
Other Asset - Ari ng Iba
Miscellaneous Asset - Mga Aring Pinagsamasama
Erroneous Entry - Mali ang Pagkapasok
Double Entry - Dalawa ang Pinasukan
Multiple Entry - Labas-pasok
Correcting Entry - Itinama ang Pagpasok
Reversing Entry - Baligtad ang Pasok
Tangible Asset - Aring Nasasalat
Dispensed - Nilabasan
Undispensed - Hindi Nilabasan

Funny Photos/Images: Top 20 Baby Do's and Dont's ( Instruction No. 5 & 6 )

2008-05-14T14:17:00.003+08:00

Here's the Instruction Numbers 5 and 6 for the Top 20 Funny Baby Do's and Dont's.

Instruction Number Five: Drying The Baby

Instruction Number Six: Washing Baby

For those who missed the instructions number 1 to 4, you can view it here:

Top 20 Funny Baby Do's and Dont's ( Instruction No. 1 & 2 )

Top 20 Funny Baby Do's and Dont's ( Instruction No. 3 & 4 )

Funny Jokes: Bank Robbery - No Witness

2008-05-12T11:08:00.002+08:00

A tough bank robber barged into a bank and yelled loudly with a raised gun, "This is a bank robbery, everybody surrender. He quickly rounded up all the customers along with wetpant bank guard together, then rushed to the teller and asked her to fill up his bag with money, which she did.

He then turned to a shivering rounded up customer and asked, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The customer thought truth always wins, so he said, ""Yes sir, I saw you rob this bank." The robber fired the gun and bang, shot the man dead.

Then he turned to a shivering couple and asked the husband, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The man replied, "No, no, no, sir I did not, but this my wife, she sure did." ;-)

Funny Photos/Images: Top 20 Baby Do's and Dont's ( Instruction No. 3 & 4 )

2008-05-09T13:18:00.005+08:00

Last week I've posted the Instructions Number 1 and 2. As I've promised, here's the Instructions Number 3 and 4 for the Top 20 Funny Baby Do's and Dont's.

Instruction Number Three: Exercising The Baby

Instruction Number Four: Massaging The Baby

Watch out for the next batch of instructions for Top 20 Funny Baby Do's and Dont's. ;-)

Funny Photos/Images: Pacquiao on Hollywood Movies?

2008-05-07T16:03:00.005+08:00

Do really Manny "Pac Man" Pacquiao enter Hollywood? I've found some photos online, having Manny "Pac Man" Pacquiao pictures on popular movies on hollywood. Take a look at this.

Is it really Manny "Pac Man" Pacquiao who starred Lord of the Rings and 300? ;-)

Funny Photos/Images: Hit it Baby!!!!

2008-05-05T14:44:00.003+08:00

Come closer to the baby... closer.... a little bit more....

Get the proper timing baby. Once you have the right angle, hit it!!! Hehehe, ;-)

Funny Photos/Images: Top 20 Baby Do's and Dont's ( Instruction No. 1 & 2 )

2008-05-02T11:00:00.005+08:00

Having a baby was the most precious gift. Agree with me? Baby gives light and joy to our house. The center of attraction, the apple of our eyes, and our favorites. So, we must take care of our baby. We must do our very best to make them happy and make them healthy.

For this time, I'll be featuring the Top 20 Funny Baby Do's and Dont's Instructions. These might be funny but we must avoid this. Hehehe. And for the start, here are the first two of the Top 20 Funny Baby Do's and Dont's. ;)

Instruction Number One: Fun Games For Baby

Instruction Number Two: Shopping with Baby

Watch out for the other instructions. You can subscribe to this blog's feeds for the latest updates for this post. ;)

Funny Photos/Images: A Cat Caught In The Act

2008-04-30T09:19:00.002+08:00

While it's "boss" was taking a nap, a "cool cat" was doing something fishy over the net. Few minutes later, it's "boss" was awaken by a strange noise and saw this picture.

The "shocked" cool cat was caught in the act. Hehe. ;-)

Funny Photos/Images: Picture of Manny Pacquiao and Erik Morales Childhood Days

2008-04-29T13:04:00.007+08:00

Did you know that Manny "Pacman" Pacquiao and Erik "El Terrible" Morales was childhood friends? Maybe they were best of friends a long time ago. Here's a Picture/Photo of Manny Pacquiao and Erik Morales Childhood Days.

Now, do you believe that they are really childhood friends? ;-)

Check this out - More Manny Pacquiao Funny Pictures:

Funny Jokes: Pinoy Jokes - A Filipino in Heaven

2008-04-28T16:15:00.001+08:00

A Filipino man died and went to heaven. Before he could enter the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter had to ask him three questions.

The first one Saint Peter asked was, "How many days are there in a week?"

The Filipino man answered, "Three. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow."

The second question Peter asked was, "Can you use yellow, pink and green in one sentence?"

The man answered, "Of course... The phone greens, I pink it up and say Yellow!!"

The last question Peter asked the Filipino man what GOD's name was.

He replied, "Howard... as in 'our father howard be thy name...'"

Funny Photos/Images: Drunken Babies

2008-04-25T14:45:00.003+08:00

“For Every Child's Eyes, Everything is Correct” - For all the parents out there please take note of that phrase. Don't let your child even your babies see you drinking liquors or even smoking. If your drunk when you arrived home, don't even show to them. Take a look of the effect this might brought you. Look at the image below:

See??? Hahahaha. ;-)

Funny Videos: Don't Cha by Pussycat Dolls??? - American Idol

2008-04-23T13:09:00.004+08:00

Are you familiar with the song "Don't Cha" by Pussycat Dolls? Watch this funny video by American Idol wanna be's and tell me the difference.

Now, tell me the difference. Hahahahaha.

Funny Photos/Images: Big Straight To The Face

2008-04-22T13:28:00.004+08:00

This thing hurts. Right? Had you been hit like this before?

That's what you call, a "Big Straight To The Face", hahahahaha.

Funny Photos/Images: Beware of Student Wrestlers!!!

2008-04-22T11:44:00.005+08:00

Have you been smacked down? Hahaha. Look at the image below, watch closely how the student do the “smack down move” to the thief attempting to get her bag.

What a move!!! Hahahahaha...

Link Exchange

2008-04-21T22:09:00.028+08:00

Link Exchange, we all knew the benefit of link exchange between blogs and websites. It boosts the blog/website traffic and making it look good for major search engines like Google and Yahoo. And everybody loves to do an exchange link. On this page, I'll put all the links that have done an exchange link with this blog.

Anyone who wants to do an exchange link with this blog, feel free to leave a comment here for your desired Anchor Text and Link URL and I'll your link as soon as possible. Just remember to put my link back. Thanks! ;)

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2008-04-21T21:32:00.006+08:00

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